Are you feeling overstressed, over-busy, or overworked? You’re not alone.
Author Alli Worthington has been there, and she’s got some great ideas for
getting out. Tune in to this week’s Homeschool Heartbeat to find out
how you can conquer busyness.
Mike Smith: Our guest today is Alli Worthington. She’s
an author, entrepreneur and former homeschooling mom. Alli, welcome to the
Alli Worthington: Thank you. I’m so excited to be here
What is “breaking busy”? [0:27]
Mike: Well Alli, you recently published your first book
called Breaking Busy: How to Find Peace and Purpose in a World of Crazy. So
let me ask you, what does it mean to “break busy”?
Alli: Well, the phrase comes from a period of life from a
few years ago. My husband and I have five sons—they are from 8 to 17 years old.
And at that point I just felt like I was on this treadmill all the time, going
nowhere. I felt like we were so busy trying to be all things to all people that I was
letting everyone down. So I said to my husband that “I have to break busy
before the busy breaks me,” because it was going to. And breaking busy is
really about breaking the cycles of unnecessary busyness that keep us from living the
life that we were created to live.
Mike: So why is it important for parents to understand their
own abilities and limitations in breaking busy?
Alli: Well, it’s so easy for parents to feel the
immense pressure to provide everything for kids—not just home and food and
spiritual teaching and education, but we also put way too much pressure on ourselves
to make life perfect for our kids. So we end up spreading ourselves too thin, getting
so over-busy that we don’t actually enjoy our lives. When that
happens, it steals the joy from a household, and it’s just not a great example
for kids to see parents over-stressed all the time. We want to live the life God
created us to live, not the life that the world says we should live. I think
that’s the key.
Get off the treadmill [1:55]
Mike: Alli, could you share with us why you decided to break
busy and reorganize your life?
Alli: Absolutely. My husband and I found ourselves crazy
busy between work, the kids, church, extracurricular activities, and volunteering. We
were exhausted and not even really enjoying family time together. I finally broke
down and admitted to my husband that I was completely burned out. And luckily he had
been feeling the same way—the stress and pressure to be all things to all
people. And it was at that point [that] we began to re-prioritize our lives to look
for where God called us to focus our time and energy and not try to do everything all
Mike: So Alli, how did it work out? In other words, what
were the results of those changes?
Alli: Well, here’s the thing. Breaking busy is a
process. I learned that you never wake up one day and go, “Hey, I have nothing
to do or a million needs that I need to take care of. I’m just going to hang
out by the pool and have someone peel grapes for me.” I learned that we have to
find practical ways to edit life and focus in on what God calls us to do and get off
that treadmill of busyness. And I provide a lot of those practical tools in the book
and they work really, really well, but it really is a battle that we have to fight
every day to break out of busyness.
Warning signs of stress [3:13]
Mike: Alli, in your book, you list five ways to know that your
life is just too crazy. Could you describe what they are?
Alli: Absolutely. The first one, for me personally, is an
inability to control my emotions. When I am a little bit grumpy or am easy to cry, I
know that I’m over-busy. I like to say out of control emotions often reflect
the out of control demands that we put on ourselves.
Another one is a lack of self-care. When I’m not taking care of my health,
when I say, “I’m too busy to eat healthy or exercise or get enough
sleep,” I know it’s because I’m too busy.
And that often leads into number three, which is annoying, ongoing little
illnesses. I went through a season in my life where I could not get better—it
was a cold or a flu or a sinus infection. I went to the doctor and I just wanted a
magic pill to make me better, and the doctor said, “Alli, you’re
stressed. Until you learn to deal with your stress and get some rest and take care of
yourself, you’re going to stay sick.”
Another one after that would be self-medicating in excess. This can be through
food, or exercise, binge-watching TV, or it can be—for me, it was spending
hours and hours on Pinterest, admiring other people’s lives instead of
investing in my own life.
The final one is really important. It is a combination of neglecting your
important relationships in your life, like your family and your friends, but also
neglecting God. So, when we feel like our friends and family are suffering from our
schedule or our busyness, or if we realize that we’re not investing time to
pray or even go to church because we’re so burned out, it’s a huge
indication that we’re over-busy.
Any of these signs are a red flag that we need to break busy in our lives. But if
you have a combination of them, that’s the big wake-up call that it’s
time to really get it under control.
Breaking the cycle [5:04]
Mike: For many parents today, being busy is just a way of
life. But in your book, you say that being busy actually holds parents back from
their true potential. Now what do you mean by that?
Alli: What I learned in my life is when I stay too busy I
don’t invest time in prayer, and I believe that the real strength in our life
is through prayer to find out what God wants for us, what His plan is for us. And if
I don’t invest that time, if I am too busy doing other things, I’m never
going to reach my potential in life.
Mike: So how can parents break the habit of being busy all
the time and really thrive as they realize their great potential?
Alli: The best thing to do is to make sure you’re
spending quality time resting, meditating, praying, and making life quieter than it
has been. Normally, we live lives that are so loud and so busy that we don’t
get to connect. That is the key.
Get past the to-do list [6:00]
Mike: Alli, we’ve talked about how to know
you’re too busy and what it means to break busy. Now let’s get really
practical. Do you have any specific tips or suggestions for parents who want to
conquer the busyness in their lives?
Alli: Absolutely. I’ll give you two things really
The first thing is a “stop-doing” list. I love to-do lists, I could
use a to-do list for every little thing in my life. And normally, when we’re
too busy we want to work our way out of being busy but what I started doing is every
day writing one, two, sometimes three things that I did that I wanted to stop doing.
So when people came to me and said, “Do you want to bake cookies for the
neighborhood fundraiser?” I would have to say, “No, I can’t do that
anymore but I’ll give you some money,” because I knew my cookies
weren’t going to make me happy to spend time baking them and anyone who ate
them wasn’t going to be happy with it. It was on my stop-doing list.
Another really helpful tip is to ask yourself what your future self will think
about your decisions that you’re making today. So for me, I like to ask myself
what future Alli is going to think about something. If I say “yes” to
this one activity or this one obligation, how is my future self in 10 weeks or even
10 days going to feel about this decision? Sometimes I have a tendency to say
“yes” when I should say “no,” but if I think about what
I’m going to feel about it in the future, it gives me that strength to give a
gracious “no” in the moment, instead of saying “yes” to
Mike: Well Alli, I just have to say this has been
a tremendous pleasure having you with us this week. Thank you so much and
we look forward to sharing with you in the future, but until next time, I’m