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12/16/2010 9:54:34 AM
Home School Legal Defense Association
HSLDA's Homeschooling Thru the Early Years Newsletter--December 2010

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HSLDA's Homeschooling Thru the Early Years Newsletter
December 2010 -- Raising Kids Who Help at Home Part II
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Laying a Foundation (Part Two)

Dear Friends,

Last month, http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9815 we outlined four
basic principles--the foundation upon which the methods or ideas of
any home management training program must be built. These include:

> Have realistic and age-appropriate expectations.
> Establish rules or standards.
> Have a working knowledge of family discipline.
> Tie strings to their hearts.

In November's newsletter, http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9815 we
discussed realistic and age-appropriate expectations. We pick up here
with the second principle.

Establish Rules or Standards

Children can only be reasonably held accountable if we can be
confident that they know what we expect. It helped for me to put those
expectations in writing to reduce the probability of a
misunderstanding. Consequently, we had several charts and lists to
help us remember the expectations--partly so they could refer to the
lists, and partly so I could remember what I'd told them!

Just say "Yes" (well, at least more often!). I seemed to have bought
into the "Just Say No" mentality: No, you may not have dessert because
you didn't eat your supper. No, you may not play with your friend
because you didn't finish your chores. I realized that I could turn
those No's into Yes's and turn the responsibility into a positive
thing for my kids. Yes, you may have dessert if you finish your
healthy food. Yes, you may play that game as soon as you finish your
morning jobs. I was not The Bad Guy anymore. After all, I was giving
them permission (if it was truly an acceptable option); the
responsibility was now in their laps. If they did not get dessert,
whose choice had that been? And whose "fault" was it now if they
didn't finish their chores and get to play? Aha! The concept of
personal responsibility!


Have a Working Knowledge of Family Discipline

According to Noah Webster's 1828 "American Dictionary,"
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9866 to train is "to develop or mold
the character, thoughts, and behavior of; to cause to grow in a
desired direction; to undergo and follow a course of instruction," and
discipline is "training that molds or corrects the mind or character."
On the other hand, punishment is "penalty for an offense." The real
world operates primarily on natural or logical consequences, rather
than punishment.

It is important to avoid disciplining or training in anger or
frustration, so that we do not sin even while we are dealing with sin
in our children. The key is to always demonstrate love to them rather
than harshness. Our goal is not simply repentance, but restoration of
the parent-child relationship (a model of God's goal in dealing with
us, His children).

Again, since this is not an article on child training per se, but a
reminder to deal with heart issues and character issues as a
foundation for home management training, I will defer to the many
resources available on the subject. (See sidebar in this newsletter
and the November issue http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9815 .)


Tie Strings to Their hearts

Children who have "connections" to their parents' hearts will desire
to please them and honor them. These relational attachments can be
formed when you:

> Do things with your children.
> Smile and speak gently with them.
> Laugh with them (not at them).
> Show interest in what they tell or show you.
> Give them choices--opportunities to practice good judgment.
> Love them and let them know that they are important, special, and
needed. "If you have trouble knowing what helps your children feel
loved, ask them." ("Parenting is Heart Work," p. 90, Turansky and
Miller)
> Pray with them and let them hear you pray for them.
> Let your children be part of your life as you apprentice them in
what it means to be wise and to show godly attitudes and discernment.

Next month: Part 3--Training them in diligence and thoroughness (aka
The Really Practical Stuff!).

May your family be blessed beyond measure,

Vicki

Vicki Bentley
Early Years coordinator
Home School Legal Defense Association
www.hslda.org/earlyyears

(Parts of this newsletter were excerpted or adapted from The Everyday
Family Chore System.)

"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my
lips." Psalm 141:3 (NKJV)

SAVE THE DATE: Saturday, March 12, 2011

You are invited to attend the Early Years (Toddlers to Tweens) and
Struggling Learners Symposium to be presented at the Patrick Henry
College campus. More details coming soon!

Additional Resources

Doorposts--Bible-based parenting and character resources, including
"For Instruction in Righteousness," "The Blessings Chart," "The
If-Then Chart"
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9816

"Parenting is Heart Work" by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9817

"Celebrations of Faith" by Randy and Lisa Wilson
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9818

"Soundbites from Heaven" by Rachael Carman
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9819

"Parenting from the Heart" by Marilyn Boyer
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9820

"Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down" by Kevin Leman
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9821

"Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility" by
Jim Fay and Foster Cline
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9822

"Standing on the Promises: A Handbook of Biblical Child-Rearing" by
Doug Wilson
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9823

"The Five Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapman and Ross
Campbell
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9824
Also: The Five Love Languages of Teenagers
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9825

"Don't Make Me Count to Three!" by Ginger Plowman
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9826

Holding Their Hearts audio workshop by Marilyn Boyer
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9827

Family Tool Chest series from Heritage Builders--Hands-on, active
devotional guide for all ages; family relationship tool
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9828

Raising Godly Tomatoes--Christian child-rearing information
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9829

FamilyMan Weekly (e-newsletter for dads, from Todd Wilson)
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9830

"Using the Word of God to Lay the Foundation for Family Relations and
Child Training" by Katherine Johnson
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9831

"Our 24 Family Ways" by Clay and Sally Clarkson
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9832

"Children and Chores" by Marc and Cindy Carrier
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9833

"The Everyday Family Chore System" by Vicki Bentley (includes a life
skills guide by ages)
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9835

Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9836

Educating the WholeHearted Child by Clay and Sally Clarkson
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9834


"How To Establish Child Training, Discipline, and Family
Responsibilities" (Teaching Home e-newsletter No. 45) Includes: "10
Elements of Child Training" and "Seven Ways To Teach Responsibility
through Chores"
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9837

"Romancing Your Child's Heart" by Monte Swan
http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9838

Parts of this newsletter are adapted from The Everyday Family Chore
System.
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