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| Date: From: Subject: | 11/18/2010 9:36:16 AM Home School Legal Defense Association HSLDA's Homeschooling Thru the Early Years Newsletter |
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---------------------------------------------------------------------- HSLDA's Homeschooling Thru the Early Years Newsletter November 2010--Raising Kids Who Help at Home ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---[ FREE Family Holiday Movie Night Package ]------------------------ Get two mom-approved family movies, two family discussion guides, two recipes, two family activities. We take the work out of finding movies the entire family can enjoy together and help you create fun, meaningful family movie nights in your home! Sign up for your FREE movie package. Yours to KEEP. Only $1.95 s&h. http://www.hslda.org/alink.asp?ID=280 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Part One: Laying a Foundation Dear Friends, Parents often confess to me that they could concentrate more on homeschooling if the house were in better order, but they just aren't sure where to begin. We know the children could help, but it's just so much easier to do things ourselves than to teach someone else how, isn't it? In the next few newsletters, we'll look at training our children in diligence and thoroughness, also known in the Bentley household as Home Management 101. Some of you are thinking, "But my kids are little. If I assign chores, I'll just be the one who ends up doing them all." Hmmm--valid point. But if you don't implement some sort of home management training, the children aren't being mentored in responsibility and skills, and you'll still end up as the one who does all the work. With character and chore training, there is hope that you will eventually reap the reward of delegating some of the tasks. First Things First Child training is the first step to successful home management training. The purposes of implementing a family chore system are (1) to train your children to be responsible members of a family and to diligently serve one another, and (2) to disciple or apprentice them in living skills. Serving and honoring one another--and God--is at the heart of the success of any home management training "system." Envision your children at 12--or 18--years of age. What living skills would you like them to have acquired? What sort of attitude should they demonstrate toward work? Authority? Serving one another? How will they get to that point? "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden...." Hebrews 13:17 (NIV). This is a great verse to put on the refrigerator door! As God's children, we must model in our relationship to Him the same behaviors we would like our children to display toward us. As parents, we should: > Submit to authority without rebellion. (How do I respond to God's leading or my husband's requests, especially in the presence of my children?) > Apologize and ask forgiveness, if needed. > Do everything without complaining. (Do I work willingly and cheerfully?) > Work on skills and character (theirs and ours). > Work ourselves out of a job! Four Basic Principles If your children don't obey you or honor your family rules, you'll have a problem when they encounter tasks (or lessons) they don't care to do. While this is obviously not a complete guide to child training, there are some basic principles--a foundation upon which the methods or ideas in any home management training (a.k.a. chore system) must be built. These include: > Have realistic and age-appropriate expectations. > Establish rules or standards. > Have a working knowledge of family discipline. > Tie strings to their hearts. Have Age-Appropriate Expectations > From ages six months to about 5 years, children are learning cheerful first-time obedience and basic routines. They need life to be very concrete and hands-on. They often can and want to help you, but they need lots of modeling and supervision, so don't expect the results to be the same as if you did it all yourself! Be appreciative of their efforts. > From ages 5 to 12, they are being better trained in consistency, respectfulness, deference to others, diligence, thoroughness, and cheerful obedience. > From 12 to 18, they earn the privilege of independence and responsibility by showing their faithfulness to accomplish a task and to be accountable for their actions. Have Realistic Expectations When a police officer rises each morning, he rubs his eyes from the dream of a world in which everyone drives the speed limit and stops at all the traffic lights, nobody takes anything that isn't his, all the neighbors get along, and banks don't need guards. Then he smells the coffee, and reality sets in: Someone, somewhere today is going to test the limits (literally!); it just comes with the job. Imagine this scenario: As you pull out of your driveway and start toward the gas station, you momentarily lose track of the speedometer, and you suddenly are jolted into awareness when you catch the flashing blue lights in your rearview mirror. You pull over to the side, and the officer approaches your window. As you roll it down, meekly smiling, he starts in--and it's sure not a whisper--"How many signs do we have to put up before you realize that 40 MPH means 40 MPH, not 50, not 45? For crying out loud--do you think I have nothing better to do than look at your driver's license? It doesn't look like your car has been washed in months! And how many french fries are on the floor back there, anyway?" No, it is more likely that he will quietly ask you if you know why he stopped you (and you'll hope you give the "right" answer!). He will point out what rule you have broken, and may ask if you understood what you did that violated the law. He will then probably mete out the consequences (which are pre-designated, so he doesn't have to arbitrarily make them up), any protests or excuses or explanations notwithstanding. All calmly. It just comes with the territory. He hopes you'll learn from it. Then he gets back in his cruiser and pulls away. Back to real life: Maybe you awakened this morning, still drowsy from the dream of a day when everybody gets himself up, makes his bed, tidies his room, speaks gently to the siblings, offers to take the smallest cookie, bundles the trash, folds the laundry, finishes his schoolwork by noon--all with no reminders. Then you smelled the burnt toast--and reality set in. Someone will very likely test the rules today. It is just part of the territory when you're a parent. You can prepare yourself in the family service arena by having age-appropriate expectations and pre-determined consequences (and a sense of humor!). Start Where You Are Start where you are and simply do the best you can, remembering that those "interruptions" may very well be God's actual plan for your day! You may not make quite as much progress as you'd hoped on the house, but you are making an eternal impact on a little heart. Next month: Basic principles 2-4 Gotta go mop some floors, Vicki Vicki Bentley HSLDA Early Years coordinator "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men." Colossians 3:23 More on child training and chores: Don't Make Me Count to Three! by Ginger Plowman http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9611 Doorposts--Bible-based parenting and character resources, including For Instruction in Righteousness, The Blessings Chart, The If-Then Chart http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9612 Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Jim Fay and Foster Cline http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9613 Standing on the Promises: A Handbook of Biblical Child-Rearing by Doug Wilson http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9614 "How to Make the Most of Each Stage in a Child's Development" by Inge Cannon http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9615 What to Expect from a Twelve-Year-Old by S.M. Davis (audio) http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9616 Christian child-rearing information http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9617 "Using the Word of God to Lay the Foundation for Family Relations and Child Training" by Katherine Johnson http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9618 Our 24 Family Ways by Clay and Sally Clarkson http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9619 "Children and Chores" by Marc and Cindy Carrier http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9620 The Everyday Family Chore System by Vicki Bentley (includes a life skills guide by ages) http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9621 "How To Establish Child Training, Discipline, and Family Responsibilities" (Teaching Home e-newsletter No. 45) Includes: "10 Elements of Child Training" and "Seven Ways To Teach Responsibility through Chores" http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9622 401 Ways to Get Your Kids to Work at Home by Bonnie McCullough http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=9623 Parts of this newsletter are adapted from The Everyday Family Chore System. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -> Extreme makeovers are for extreme circumstances... Most homeschools don't need an extreme makeover, but there is something to be said for attention to detail and recognition of accomplishments. Watch the media and you'll soon see that not everyone wants home educators and homeschooling to look good. HSLDA works hard to shed light on the good work of home educators so it's obvious that we don't need someone "making-over" our homeschools. Join HSLDA and help us show the world that we're fine as we are . . . thank you! More reasons to join HSLDA... http://www.hslda.org/elink.asp?id=1943 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ====================================================================== The HSLDA E-lert Service is a service of: Home School Legal Defense Association P.O. 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