Home School Heartbeat Radio Program

Mike Smith:
Conflicts at home, like fighting over who does the dishes or how to set up the budget, have root causes that might not be readily apparent. Ken, what are some ways to uncover the root causes?

Ken Sande:
Well, first of all, Mike, that’s such an important part of conflict resolution. Because conflict does start in the heart. James 4:1, 2 says: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Your desires that battle within you.” And so, really identifying not just the outward behavior that was wrong, but the underlining desire.

And we have something we call the progression of an idol. And it’s we desire something—that’s okay. But then it’s, “I demand it, I have to have it.” And then it moves to the next level, “I judge you for not giving it to me.” And finally, “I punish you for not giving it to me.” And that’s where these desires really become deadly, and you have to work backwards through that progression, to say, “What was the initial desire that took a grip on my heart, that made me just do things I shouldn’t do?”

My wife used to call this “monster desires.” You can have a desire for a cookie, but when you want it so badly you throw a temper tantrum, that’s become a monster desire. And that’s where we need the gospel to bear it, to help people realize Jesus came to free us from those controlling desires.

Mike:
Again, Ken, thank you for these tremendous insights. And until next time, I’m Mike Smith.